Oh you're straight? Straight to bed!

OK. So this is my second post so it's a little more controversial than the first. What I'm blogging about today is the "straight" men that sleep with men.

My first experience of this was someone who I had been friends with for a long time. They had always identified themselves as straight, and still do, to anyone that asked. Thing is it turned out that he was actually having sex with an out gay guy from the same group of friends. He's now happily married to a woman and has a young family, I have no doubt that he is happy, but part of me wonders if this is not just a cover. I recall his dad telling him he would disown him if he was a "faggot" and that really got to him.

This is not an isolated incident either. Almost every friend of mine, and including me, has had an "encounter" with someone who identifies themselves as straight. At one point a friend of mine was being passed around like a packet of tic-tacs (not at the same time) by a group of friends who all identified as being straight. I mean just look at craigslist.com and you'll find an abundance of men advertising that they are straight but want to try it with a guy as they have been curious for a long time.

In the days of old and, unfortunately, still engrained in older generations' minds which is subsequently passed onto some younger generations, this would have meant that they cannot possibly be straight as they want to be intimate with another man.

So what? What's my point?

My point is that in my experience, and the experience of many of my friends, the boundaries between sexual labels are blurring. More so now than ever before from what I can gather. Many of my friends are a few years or five or even 10 older than I am and had nothing on this scale when they were my age.

Many men that introduce themselves as straight are intrigued by the gay life as it so alien to them. The difference is that now there are so many guys who are willing, even keen, to try it. Even just once. Whereas before, the archetypal straight man would have rather punched you in the face than kiss you.

In my opinion; sex is not sexuality. Having a sexual encounter with someone of the same gender does not mean that person is gay. It isn't as black and white as it was when, erm, TV was black and white. Experimentation, getting a helping hand from another guy or spending the night with someone just means they were, for want of a better word, horny. The true definition of orientation, in my opinion, is found by looking at who you can see yourself falling in love with. Who you would like to build a life with and have a close, loving relationship with.

What really annoys me though is that although so many straight men, especially students and guys under 30, actively seek an "encounter of the male kind" most of them would still deny it if they were asked. So what favours are the gay community doing for themselves by helping out these curious young men? None. Not a single one.

On the surface it would appear that it means you are accepted by a demographic of heterosexual men and that can only be progress right? Wrong. Don't expect many of these guys to canvass support for equal rights for gays and lesbians. They aren't likely to be the ones marching on Westminster or the white house just to be able to say that you are "married" to the person that you love. They will still make jokes about "the gays" call other "camp" guys queer and so on.

Not because they are inherently homophobic. Just because it doesn't matter to them. They occasionally get their rocks off when they haven't got a regular f**k but are looking for a "nice young lady" to have a relationship with. Why would they care if, in the future, you can adopt a child or inherit your long term partner's estate instead of it going to their estranged family.

Whilst they will happily come to a gay bar or club and say they are straight and not interested until you tell them you think they are hot. They aren't in the slightest bit interested in gay life after sex.

This causes issues when looking at surveys for support of gay rights. Gay marriage etc. Many, many of these men who regularly have sex with other men identify as straight when filling out a form asking for their opinion. This makes the gays look like even more of a minority. In cases where a newspaper writes an offensive article on "gay agendas" or such-like then these guys will be the ones giving it a "thumbs up". It just smacks of duplicity and cowardice. Rather than actually saying "who cares?" They will go with the, apparent, flow. Not necessarily maliciously but definitely harmfully.

So many gay guys now sleep with men who claim to have never slept with another guy that I wonder how many of these men can possibly be left. I struggle to find many. I mean gay men are infamous for their ability to spot another gay within a perimeter way outside of any military radar range. We call this nifty sense our "gaydar". I honestly find it to be less and less often that I think "that man is 100% not going to sleep with another guy". I'm talking waiters, shop assistants, soldiers, people handing out flyers, barmen, bus drivers... All of whom I have been propositioned by when in town but they would swear blind that they were straight.

To summarise. Many young men now don't care who they have sex with. They wouldn't admit to this in public as they would be afraid of ridicule. They don't form any emotional connection and are completely straight in their own mind. If they just want a bit of fun then that's fine but they need to man up and get behind (excuse the pun) us in our fight for equal rights. Not special rights. Not extra rights. Just equal.

They can't expect to have their cake AND eat it now. Can they? Xx