****As a gay guy, living and breathing, I am writing my blog to share my own opinion. If you do take offence then that's your issue. ***
OK. So every day I notice things that fellow gayers say and do which don't necessarily help combat the negative stereotypes that are out there. ***gasp*** "well that's the straight peoples' fault for being closed minded and bigoted" I hear you cry.
Maybe it is. Sometimes. However a lot of the time it is us, the gays, that reinforce these stereotypes ourselves. Being a "grade A" bitch is a good place to start.
I tend to find that gay men seem to have only 2 initial reactions when meeting other gay men / seeing them across the bar. Either option A) "oh he's so nice. What a lovely guy. It helps that he is hot!" Or option B) "he's such a dick. A friend of a friend of a friend said that he was rude to someone they kind of knew and that he's really full of himself so I don't like him". In my experience it tends to be option B.
Now I'm aware that this could be seen as a sweeping generalisation however in my experience I have been fully aware of being the subject of option of A) sometimes and option B) a lot of the time. To be honest it can be seen as flattering: someone talking about you from a (7 times removed) past experience of yours even though you have no idea who they are.
But most of the time it's not a laughing matter. We've all heard the whispers about the good looking guy who just walked in "apparently he's a rent boy" or "apparently he gave so and so *insert sexually transmitted disease here*." And my personal favourite which is bandied about "apparently he has a small/big d**k" WTF?
I think it's about time that we gay guys try to shed this bitchy stereotype. Here's the thing. We gays are numerous but not really a hugely abundant lot. However Lord knows there are so many gay guys that are "in the closet" (to be addressed in a later blog) that I find it difficult to think of more than a handful of guys that don't give me at least a small blip on the gaydar. But we don't act like a community unless it happens to be an event like gay pride. Or a pink concert.
However shouldn't we really do more to look out for each other? Rather than perpetuating rumours that we all heard umpteenth-hand why not just stop ourselves and instead tell your friend "no I've seen him around but I don't know him" I think its because being "connected" to the gay scene is important for a lot of gay men. Telling a friend something about another person makes you appear as though you have those omnipresent "connections". But guess what. It also makes you look a twat.
Yes that person could well have a big d**k but you are potentially stopping them from meeting their next long term partner by making them out to be a slut. Maybe they did give someone Chlamydia 3 years ago however this is their personal business and maybe they were more mortified to find out they had it than the person that they gave it to was.
Now I'm not deluded by any stretch of the imagination. I don't expect (any more) rainbows and blue birds along with a Mary Poppins smile every time we go to the gay scene. I would, however, like to hear less negative, bitchy comments from those around me about fellow revellers. Why not just follow some advice that a wise lady once told me. If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all. Xx
Comment and let me know if you agree or disagree with the above :0) Xx
5 comments:
A few people have messaged to say they can't leave a comment. I'm looking into it so hopefully it will be working soon. Xx
Looks like it's working now!
Hi Marc. I agree with what you said to a point, I do think we can all try and be nicer most of the time. I'm curious though, where do you live? It sounds like there's not much where you are but the bar scene. I used to live near West Hollywood in California. Where there are of course many bitchy queens, but at the same time there are coffee shops, stores, restaurants, organizations (both support and not) which exist to create a nice community. I can imagine it'd be tough somewhere else to feel part of the community, but a lot of that depends on the person. Someone could move to Los Angeles and not feel like there is a community there, and someone else could have a totally different experience. I went to the clubs 6 nights a week in my early 20s until I realized that was a waste of my time and the people I was meeting weren't good people for socializing. So I changed and started working for support organizations, and it changed my perspective on the 'community' completely.
Hi Marc. I totally agree. It seems that when ever we go out and say eith by yourself or in a group theres always someone or some group that either stares daggers or points and makes comments. I've been beaten up and other fellow gays just stand and watch. We're supposed to be a community yet as you say we never stick together. Does it really matter how good looking, fit, skinny you are. Does it not count that the person is actually a nice person on the inside :-)
Cheers Ivan. Horrible to hear that about you getting attacked. I hope the police caught them though? Xx
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